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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612335">Marlboro Haze</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/glossyjoonie/pseuds/glossyjoonie'>glossyjoonie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Blow Jobs, Dancer Hwang Hyunjin, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, First Time Blow Jobs, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Pining, Painter Yang Jeongin, Pining, Roommates, Smoker Hwang Hyunjin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:13:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,643</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612335</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/glossyjoonie/pseuds/glossyjoonie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two struggling Korean art students share a one man apartment in New York City with a lot of unresolved tension.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i should probably do a disclaimer, i absolutely do not condone smoking nor am i advising ya'll to do it. i used to smoke and have quit since but i just thought i should  just clear it up. he reason why hyunjin smokes will be evident in the later chapters but yuh, just thought i should say that.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The dimness of the last hours of daylight fades through the room. It was during these times where they wonder how they’re going to sleep at night. Their thin blankets barely warmed up their chilling bodies during autumn. At times they’d get desperate and sleep next to each other but those nights always ended with tense mornings and weeks of awkward small talk. Luckily enough, the painter always had a way to turn things back to normal. His cheerful personality and jovial attitude helped soothe the stiff air.</p><p>The two had met when Jeongin posted an advertisement on Naver, asking for a roommate for the small studio apartment since he couldn’t afford the rent by himself for any longer. Hyunjin, who was planning on flying to New York straight from Korea, responded 2 weeks after he had posted it. The boy worried that he was too late and that he’d already found someone but Jeongin quickly replied. From then on the two struck a connection online until they met 2 months later. Hyunjin spoke a bit of English which was good since Jeongin couldn’t speak well despite having lived there for almost half a year. He was very introverted and it surprised him that he majored in dance since it’s quite an extroverted sport. When he arrived, Jeongin took him around to the popular spots of their city and the two got to know each other face to face.</p><p>Hyunjin always struck Jeongin as a little odd. For 1 and a half years of being here, he’s never made a proper friend. He never went to clubs, never drank, never socialized. He wasn’t a straight edge since he was an avid smoker but he never bothered to meet new people which was odd. Usually people at this time would want to start meeting others and make connections for the future but he seemed to show no interest. He never even spoke of his love life or any interests he had. </p><p>Jeongin puts his newly bought canvas down and looks up at Hyunjin who was on the other side of the room, lying on his bed. His eyes traced every little detail of his body. From the rings on his well maintained fingers, to the black roots of his damp, blonde hair. His feet were crossed over one another as he held his phone tightly in his hands. Games, games, games. All day he played games when he got home if he wasn’t eating or practicing his dance. The younger wished he’d look at him and notice him watching him sometimes. The two did their own thing everyday while keeping the atmosphere undisturbed, it was a mutually unsaid but agreed rule while living in the apartment clearly made for one. </p><p>“Shall we order Chinese for dinner?” The blonde haired boy speaks up after 3 hours of straight silence. Hyunjin looks at Jeongin who’d already been watching him. Startled, he diverts his glance from his face to the plain walls of their flat. Jeongin puts his newly bought canvas down and nods his head and continues unwrapping the plastic from the big frame. ‘Okay maybe I don’t want him to catch me staring,’ he thinks.</p><p>It seemed as though he just had no interest in anyone but himself. That’s what fascinated Jeongin the most. He’s mysterious, he’s closed off and very reserved. He doesn’t even know what his parents' names are or what they do for a living. Did he have pets back in Korea? What’s his biggest fears? Does he like sugar in his coffee? How does he imagine his life in 5 years time? All these questions were things Jeongin wished to ask the man who lived life seemingly carelessly. Did he imagine a long future? From the way he’s watched the man stick his head out the balcony 10-15 times a day smoking Marlboro reds, Jeongin didn’t think he cared about his future all that much.</p><p>By the time they ordered their food, the sun was a golden haze. The breeze seemed to have pushed the clouds away and made way for the rising moon and shining stars. The two sit at their small dining table in the middle of the kitchen and eat their dinner with minimal conversation. Hyunjin would ask everyday how his day went and Jeongin usually responded with a ‘good, and you?’. That was it. No jokes, no banter, it was like Hyunjin didn't even want to bother getting to know Jeongin which hurt the younger a little bit. </p><p>Hyunjin finishes his meal, placing his dishes by the sink and making his way to the medium sized window between their two beds. He pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds and places a stick between his lips, lighting it with ease. He takes a drag while looking at Jeongin who ate his dinner in silence, staring at the plate in front of him. The blonde sighs and turns away, staring at the night sky. This was the closest to ease he could feel, living in a tiny apartment in a city that seemed to eat up anyone’s sanity that dared to live there.</p><p>And just like that, their day ended after dinner. Jeongin lies down on his bed with a heavy sigh, head turned to face the other boy who seemed to be aimlessly playing on his phone. That’s all he ever did when he was at home. Hyunjin and Jeongin didn’t speak to each other much unless it was necessary. He watched as the blond boy tapped away with a small smile embedded onto his face. ‘Is he talking to his girlfriend?’ That seemed to send him into a panicked mindset. “Shit! Don’t think that way!”</p><p>“What?” Hyunjin looks at Jeongin, visibly alarmed at the sudden interaction. He freezes, realising what he’d done.</p><p>“Uh, nevermind that. Have you found a second job yet?” Jeongin tries to drift away from that awkward scenario. How great. What’s next, saying aloud my confession?</p><p>“Well, I’ve handed in my CV to at least 3 different places that I knew were hiring but none have contacted me yet.” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. The boy knew that he had to find a job as soon as he could. They were both struggling to pay rent since their landlord upped the price for the 2nd time this year. Even though it was a shitty studio apartment, it was still located in New York City. ‘The Big Apple’ as everyone likes to call it.</p><p>Jeongin nods his head. A soft, chilly breeze slips through the crack of their window and spreads throughout the room. A chill runs down his spine. His body flops over and curls into a ball, clenching the thin polyester he called a blanket. There is always an option to ask the taller boy if he could slide into bed with him but the two always knew that after those times, the tension grew stronger between them. There’s always been unresolved feelings lingering that neither Jeongin nor Hyunjin would address. Either they both knew that and avoided the topic or one of them had zero clue. He tried to shrug off the feeling and shut his eyes, slowly drifting off into space.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The smell of scrambled eggs and kimchi wafts throughout the apartment. Jeongin sits up from his bed, rubbing his drowsy eyes with a grin as he sees Hyunjin standing by the stove with a pair of earphones, dancing to his music. He watches as he gently tosses the rice and kimchi around the pan while humming some generic indie song he always seemed to listen to. Jeongin watches while his arms stretch out every time he changes the temperature when it gets too hot. Or when Hyunjin would reach for more salt. The way his shoulders grew broader with every slight movement he did intrigued Jeongin. He’d always been quite a petite boy and didn’t have much shape compared to his roommate. Is it because he was a dancer? Possibly. </p><p>He lets out a loud groan, stretching his arms and legs out before hopping out of bed. Hyunjin turns around and empties the fried rice onto the 2 empty plates. He looks up and flashes Jeongin a jovial smile. </p><p>“Morning.” </p><p>Jeongin felt his cheeks heat up. What was that smile for? He returns the early morning gesture, reluctantly sitting down at the table. Hyunjin takes out his earbuds and starts to dig in almost immediately. “Morning, how was your evening?” Jeongin asks, picking at his food for a bit before taking a spoonful.</p><p>Hyunjin stares at the wall for a while before responding, “A bit chilly I’ll say, but of course, nothing we haven’t dealt with.” A few minutes of silence eating went on before he suddenly dropped his spoon onto his plate. “Shit—I just realised I had to cover for Marie today since she had another kindie class for dance.” He starts to scramble around the apartment for his belongings while trying to change into his dance clothes. “I’ve got to go now, see you tonight Jeongin!”</p><p>And like that, he’s gone. Jeongin lets out a sigh, slumping in his seat. ‘Stupid hyung, will he ever realise how I feel?’ The raven haired boy stops picking at his food and sets it aside on the sink, deciding that staring at it will do no good. Paint, paint. Those words paced through his brain like a confused boy. Except, he was the confused boy. Hyunjin, Hyunjin. That name rings through his mind unnecessarily. Paint Hyunjin? His eyes pan to the empty canvas. ‘I mean, he fits my assessment criteria.’ Jeongin starts to imagine what painting Hyunjin would look like. He pictures the clothes he would wear while doing so. A white button up dress shirt with the first few buttons undone to show off his milky skin. Jeongin’s always favoured Hyunjin’s clear skin. He’d wear beige checkered pants. Maybe with his zipper a little down and his hair messy, his face dripping with sweat and his head’s rolled back.</p><p>“Ugh! Why do you have to be so damn attractive!” Jeongin groans out loud, pulling at his hair. He picks up the canvas and places it on the lone easel that stood 2 meters away from the window. Jeongin liked painting the sunsets since it was a good spot to watch the day turn to night and vise versa. The universe worked in weird ways, but Jeongin was always thankful for the endless amounts of sunrises and sunsets he’s watched from the small window in his apartment. “Hyunjin hyung? Do I paint him?” </p><p>The young boy paces around the small flat back and forth, his mind running wild with possibilities on what to paint. ‘I mean I could just paint my phone? No no that’s too boring. I mean, trees are things I can’t live without? That’s too basic, everyone’s going to do nature.’ At this point Jeongin nearly lost his mind trying to decide what to do but ended up just scratching it all and going for a walk. He takes his coat, his phone and heads off and out to the big city. </p><p>It’s a wonder how he hasn’t gotten lost once in this place. New York City was massive yet Jeongin could walk around like it was his hometown Busan. While 30 minutes into his stroll, Jeongin spots a quiet flower boutique in the busy streets and decides to pop in, the beautiful arrangements capturing his attention. He bends over to smell a bouquet of white carnations by the display table at the front of the store. This brings a smile to his face. From what he remembers his florist friend telling him, white carnations signify innocence and pure love. That’s how he feels whenever he sees Hyunjin. Pure love and innocence. Of course he brushes that thought away, how could he possibly be in love with someone he barely knows? </p><p>“Welcome to Frida’s boutique, what can I—Jeongin?”</p><p>The raven haired spins around to see a familiar brunette. “Minho hyung?” Jeongin exclaims, giving him a big hug and wide grin. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“What do you mean? I work here.” He points at the small nametag on the left side of his baby blue work shirt. “How've you been, I haven’t seen you in a month! How’s it going with that girl you were talking about?”</p><p>Girl? He looks at Minho, dazed and confused. Girl, like a female? Ever since he could speak, Jeongin has never shown any interest towards dating apart from his feelings towards Hyunjin, let alone a woman. The only female friend he’s ever had is a girl in his art class that just so happened to like women only. He has never been interested in women and that’s when it hit him. ‘Oh, he means Hyunjin hyung.’ He purses his lips. </p><p>He hesitates to answer. “Same old same old I guess, Nothing new happened and she’s still closed off.” Jeongin had almost forgotten he lied about the gender of his crush to avoid the flames of judgement his friend might have given him. You can never be too sure, he could easily be homophobic. Though Minho doesn’t seem like the type to care really, he himself was a bit more on the flamboyant side so he’s probably gotten a lot of comments on his personality.</p><p>Minho nods, eyes wavering to the side to look at the arrangement which Jeongin was looking at. “Oh you want this?” He brings the vase to his counter and starts to wrap it, prepping it for its departure to the outside world.</p><p>“Oh no actually—I was just—looking-”</p><p>He waves his hand, brushing away Jeongin’s words. “Don’t worry about it, we do pretty well so it doesn’t matter if I give one away for free. Just give this to that girl you like.” He ties a pink bow outside its white wrapping and hands it over to Jeongin. Minho out of the counter and smacks him on the back of his head. “You need to start keeping in touch with me! You’re hyung feels very sad when you don’t text me.” He starts to pout, playfully punching the younger one who simply rolls his eyes. “And by the way, my birthday’s coming up soon, you should come, it’s only going to be a few of us since there’s not many of us around.”</p><p>Jeongin nods. “Okay hyung, just keep me updated, I’ll should be able to come though.” He clutches the small vase eagerly and waves an energetic goodbye. “See you around!” A smile sprawled across his face as he walks down the bustling streets of the city. The thought of him giving Hyunjin flowers excited him. What would he say? Would he be happy? Or would he be weirded out? ‘What if he doesn’t even like flowers-even worse, what if he’s allergic?’ He quickly shakes his head, trying to ward off any negative thoughts. ‘Don’t think like that Jeongin!’</p><p>The raven haired excitedly strolls back home peacefully after another hour of exploring the  busy city and unlocks the door of his shared apartment while getting the last good whiff of his flowers but bumped into a big frame. That frame being Hwang Hyunjin. He was wearing a sweaty white t-shirt and skinny blue jeans, carrying his sweater on his left arm. Jeongin’s face immediately went hot. He couldn’t help but look at his body while his t-shirt stuck to it obviously, every dent or chisel of his perfect torso visible. The curve of his broad shoulders was by his eye level and he couldn’t take his eyes off it until the blond turned around and noticed the shorter male hiding his face behind the vase of carnations. A grin forms on his face as he leans to smell it.</p><p>“Cute flowers.”</p><p>Jeongin peeps his head out, looking at Hyunjin who seemed to look back with an amused face. “Oh these? Thank you.” He extended his arms to give the flowers to Hyunjin who didn’t seem to understand what was going on. “They’re for you.”</p><p>He tilts his head to the side, a confused look on his face. Almost like a puppy. “For me?” He points to himself. “Oh okay, thank you.” Hyunjin gently takes it from Jeongin’s hand and walks away from the doorway, placing it on the table by their bed. Jeongin lets out a relieved sigh. That was way too much for him to take in. He kicks off his shoes and drags his feet across the apartment and flops onto his bed, staring at the ceiling.</p><p>‘Does he like it? That reaction seemed pretty forced’. Jeongin’s mind ran with all sorts of thoughts, mostly negative. He worried that maybe Hyunjin thought he was weird for giving him such a thing so suddenly. The two weren’t extremely close so it wasn’t unlikely that he would’ve felt weird about it. ‘Whatever, just sleep it off.’ Jeongin turns to his side, tucking his hands between his thighs and dozing off quickly, avoiding his thoughts as much as he could.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jeongin shivers as the cold breeze slips through the cracks of their bedroom window and past his skin. He lets out a small whine, rubbing his eyes and sitting upright to see a dark room. ‘What time is it?’ Jeongin reaches out to check the time on his phone only for it to read 1:46 AM. AM? ‘How long have I been asleep for?’ He manages to scramble out of bed to quickly put on a sweater before sitting back down and facing the older man’s bed. His back was hunched and his legs were curled up to his chest, keepings himself together as much as possible. </p><p>Jeongin walks over and sits by the side of his bed, facing Hyunjin’s sleeping face. ‘How are you so beautiful, hyung, you make my heart beat so fast and I don’t know what to do about it.’ He felt every small breath that escaped past his lips, the air hitting his cheek lightly. His cheeks were slightly puffed and lips were pouted since he slept on his side, his face pressing against his pillow. He was so absolutely beautiful. Jeongin stands up and walks over to his easel, turning on the flashlight he hung above it for the purpose of not waking up his hyung whenever he painted during the early hours of the morning. He tried his best to see the man that clutched his blanket dearly through the dim lighting of the moonlight and flashlight, squinting through the darkness. He’s then reminded of all the times his mother used to barge into his room at 3 am and catch him painting. “Stop painting so late! You’ll hurt your eyes!” His mom used to say, giving the back of his head a smack as he would force him to go to bed. </p><p>He softly mixes paint onto his palette and makes sure that every stroke is soft and made as little noise as possible. The gentle moonlight hit his face at the perfect angle that made him look like some sort of heavenly creature. His messy blonde hair was sprawled all over his pillow, small strands lingering over his face, adding detail to his flawless appearance. Jeongin couldn’t help but wish that Hyunjin was looking at him with the same puppy eyes he pulls when he gets curious, or whenever he’s confused. Whenever he smiled at the raven haired he always felt his heart tingle with every smile wrinkle he had by his eyes. Jeongin smiles to himself, remembering the look on his face when he saw the flowers he carried. ‘Cute’. He was always very cute.</p><p>A few hours went by and Jeongin managed to almost complete his painting with as much detail as he could at 4 in the morning. He takes one last look at his work and picks up a spare cloth and covers it, making sure not to touch the wet paint. Jeongin didn’t have to worry about Hyunjin seeing his art since the older man knew how jittery he’d get when it came to his work. He didn’t like people looking at it unfinished nor did he like people watching him paint. He washes off the remaining paint on his hands and crawls back into bed, looking at the blond boy as his eyes slowly start to grow heavier and heavier until they shut completely.</p><p>By 10 am, Jeongin was awoken by a loud bang against a wooden surface. He jolts up to see Hyunjin bent over the dining table with both his fists balled, blood covering his left knuckles.</p><p> “Hyunjin hyung?” He barely managed to get the words past his lips. His body was trembling as he watched the older man breath heavily. His eyes were sharp and painful, Jeongin felt like if he looked at him directly he’d get cut.</p><p>Hyunjin looks up at Jeongin. His breath hitched as his piercing glaze continued for a solid minute. The blond boy stands up straight, walking away from the table. “I’m sorry for waking you up, I need to go out. I’ll see you tonight.” He quickly puts his coat on and walks out, slamming the apartment door behind him. The young boy was left speechless. Jeongin had never seen Hyunjin like that. For all he’s known him he’s always been calm and collected. The giggly Hyunjin was not present in what he saw a few minutes ago in front of him.</p><p>‘What as that about?’ Jeongin asks himself. Did he do something? Maybe he got bad news? Or a bad day. ‘What if he saw my painting? What if he got angry that I painted him and felt grossed out?’ The young boy starts to shake. “No no that can't be it,” He says aloud. It was a very real possibility for the young man, to him, Hyunjin was like a locked door. As much as he wanted to pass through him, he did not have the key to go through. He knew nothing about him! He didn’t know what his interests were, what his favourite food was let alone his emotions. </p><p>Jeonin felt completely hopeless. He makes his way over to the covered painting, lifting up the cloth of shame. It was completely untouched, looked beautiful as ever. He could see more detail than before. He had made his face lighter than the rest of the painting itself. ‘I guess I couldn’t stop staring at his face.’ Hyunjin truly looked like an angel. No photo or painting could ever truly show his beauty. Jeongin at times felt a little shallow for liking Hyunjin for his looks. Of course it wasn’t all that, he liked his mysterious persona and giggly personality but he really didn’t have much to base his liking on aside from his looks. </p><p>Jeongin waves off his thoughts, eyes gravitating towards the time. ‘10:06,’ it reads. He had a class at 11 for art history and decided to start getting ready rather than leave it last minute. It’s best to keep his mind off Hyunjin, if he kept thinking about it then it would start to get to him. He sighs, deciding to get ready for his class. ‘Today is going to be a long day.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunset falls and Jeongin makes his way home with concrete feet. The sickening and heavy feeling in his stomach grew worse with every step he took closer to his apartment. His mind filled with only one thing and that one this happened to be the blonde boy who resided in the very place he was making his way to. After his meltdown in the morning Jeongin felt worried and scared. He felt like the Hyunjin he knew was just thrown out the window with one interaction. The glare in his eyes resonated with Jeongin deeply. He never wanted his hyung to look at him like that ever again. </p><p>Jeongin made his way up the last steps and in front of the old, brown door that led him to his demise. He lets out a deep breath, shaking his whole body to rid of any unnecessary tension that burdened him. Jeongin then turns the handle and walks in with a powerful stride. ‘Did I over do that?’. The young boy looks around to see the apartment as he left it this morning. ‘He hasn’t come home yet?’ This was unusual to him. On Thursdays he usually arrived home around 3 o’clock but it’s 5 o’clock and the apartment showed no signs or any visitors past 11 am. </p><p>He felt his heart sink. Deep down he’d hoped that maybe the man would be sitting, waiting for Jeongin with the signature smile he always wore. Jeongin craved for the warmth that simple gesture gave him. Whenever the younger boy had a bad day at school or at his job he always looked forward to coming home and seeing the older boy’s face. It didn’t matter if Hyunjin talked to him or not for the rest of the day, his company was enough to bring inner peace to the young boy. </p><p>“I guess this morning really took a toll on him.” He decides to clean up the flat, with its state he doesn’t blame Hyunjin for not wanting to come back. The blond boy usually was a tidy person but the past few days have visibly outdone him. Hyunjin got like this only in times of stress or pressure, one could only assume it was due to his classes and him not being able to find a job. </p><p>Jeongin worries about him a lot. It seems like these past few months Hyunjin was the only thing running through his mind. The simple image of his face gave the young boy the feeling of excitement and butterflies, like he was some 14 year old girl fantasising over their favourite idol. Aside from that, his heart would sink like the bags under his eyes that grew more and more prominent as autumn passed through. He was so visibly exhausted he wanted nothing more but to hug him and lull him to sleep.</p><p>A few hours passed and Jeongin was left with a clean apartment and an empty dinner table. At this rate he was starting to get worried. He contemplated calling him but decided to give him space. </p><p>‘If 9 pm passes by and he’s not here still, I’m going to call.’ </p><p>Jeongin decides to kill time by finishing the painting he’d started the previous night. His tender hands lift up the cloth and starts to mix the paint, with every scrape against the palette causing his inner anxiety to grow. The nightmare that ran through his mind was Hyunjin coming home suddenly and seeing Jeongin paint his own sleeping body. Whatever, he shrugs it off and with soft, gentle strokes he paints small details onto the painting. From the creases on his bed sheet to the small strands of blonde splattered across the pillow, Jeongin added it all. He painted them with care and passion, as though Hyunjin still layed on the bed in front of him.</p><p>the raven haired boy painted the last button of his pyjama shirt when the creak of the front door could be heard abruptly. Jeongin quickly covers his painting and peeps his head around the corner, seeing Hyunjin with his head ducked down and his hand massaging his temple.</p><p>“Hello Hyunjin hyung, how was your day?” He asks with a cheerful voice only to realise the older boy’s mood did not seem pleasant. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Hyunjin lifts up his head, his hair messily covering his face. He goes to push it back, giving Jeongin an intense stare that seemed to shatter the boy’s insides. His cheeks were visibly very red and his clothes looked messy, everything about his appearance seemed weird. He looked as though he ran into a bush and stumbled his way home without bothering to fix his appearance. His lips stretch across his lips suddenly, emitting a childlike grin. </p><p>“Jeonginnie~” </p><p>Jeongin places his pallet and brush down before he could drop it from shock and takes a step forward. “J-Jeonginnie? Hyung are you alright?” Before he could interrogate more, Hyunjin sloppily kicked off his shoes and stumbled his way over to Jeongin, giving the male a tight hug. “Wait hyung, my apron’s on—You’re gonna stain your swea-”</p><p>“I don’t care, I don’t care! Let me do this one last time.” His breath reeked of alcohol. </p><p>‘Ah, that explains it.’</p><p>Hyunjin hugged the shorter boy tighter, rubbing his face against his chest as though he were his pillow. “Yah! What do you mean one last time, you’ve never even hugged me before.”</p><p>“Sh, let me enjoy this before I’m gone.” Gone? What did he mean by that? </p><p>“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do this.  D’you know how hard it was resisting you? You’re so pretty that I don’t know how to act around you so I have to shut you down all the time.” Every word that came out of his mouth afterwards was slurred or untranslatable for the sober mind.</p><p>“Hey Jeonginnie, I really like you.” Hyunjin lets out a small giggle.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Six hours. Jeongin has been up for six hours ever since the blond boy gave him a drunken confession. That was his first time seeing Hyunjin drink and act that certain way and he certainly did not know how to react. The man he was in love with just confessed to him, what else could he do? Of course, he had to put away the panicked thinking and immediately went to rational thinking. </p><p>‘He was drunk so there’s a chance he didn’t means half of the things he said.’ It hurt thinking like that but he had to be realistic in order for him not to get even more hurt in the future. Besides, what did he mean by the whole being ‘gone’ and ‘last time’ thing. Where was he going? Why wasn’t Jeongin informed about this? The whole situation rumbled him a lot and he didn’t know how to handle it. Instead, he laid on his bed and stared at the covered easel for 5 hours. An hour was taken from his time from trying to console Hyunjin and convincing him to go to bed, making sure his body was turned to the side in case any accidents happen.</p><p>3 am was the perfect time of the night. This is the time when the moon is aligned slightly above the window, allowing access to the moonlight to shine through the old window panes and onto the older boy’s face. He simply looked like an angel. Some nights Jeongin stayed up just to watch the moon’s light beam onto the blond hair sprawled on the bed a meter away from him. Or when it lands on his pale skin. It truly was a sight to see. Tonight was like that, except this time he watched more intently as he tossed and turned more than usual.</p><p>‘What’s on your mind hyung? I wish you’d tell me.’ Jeongin lets out a small sigh, turning his back to face him before a loud groan could be heard. He freezes halfway, his body facing the ceiling. ‘Is he awake? He doesn’t usually sleep talk.’ He uses his peripheral vision to look at the blond boy, seeing him sit up on his bed and rub his eyes. Hyunijn turns his head to face Jeongin who did his best to remain as still as he could and starts to let out a string of curse words. ‘Realization, the best stage of drunkenness.’ He gets up and out of bed, grabs a cup of water from the kitchen then returns to his bedside.</p><p>His gentle fingers start to tug at the fabric on his sweater, pulling it up and over his head in one swift motion. The younger knew he had to close his eyes or turn his head to give the other some sort of privacy but he couldn’t turn his head away from him. Every movement he’d make was enough to make Jeongin’s heart race. Every dip and every line on his back as accentuated under the dim light of the moon. Hyunjin starts to unbutton his jeans. It’s almost as though every action he did was aggravatingly slow. The sound of the zipper being unzipped was enough to cause Jeongin to feel a stir below. ‘Now is not the time!’ He tells himself before he watches the blonde boy drop his pants and kick it aside, leaving him only in his boxers. Now this was a sight to see. Hyunjin verly rarely wore clothes that showed off his figure, but seeing the real deal right in front of his eyes was better than any fantasy or imagination he’d ever thought of in the past. It was a surprise that the other didn’t notice the intense stares Jeongin had towards his figure. His broad shoulders and slim waist ratio catching his eye the most. He watched as he shoved his pyjamas on quickly and climbed into bed, clinging onto the thin blanket. For some reason, Jeongin could feel him staring at him from his side. ‘Maybe he regrets it.’ </p><p>What the boy did was clearly a rookie move for a drinker. In a person’s life, they've confessed drunk at least once. If not, they’ve revealed some sort of secret they were supposed to keep but let it slip due to the uncontrollable nature of alcohol. What he did was unfair to Jeongin. If anyone were to watch how the two acted close up, they'd know something was up with the way the younger boy talked and acted around Hyunijn. It simply was not normal. He stared too much and he grew more self conscious with what he was saying or what he looked like. With his interest being fairly obvious, this confession was sure to rumble him up. The boy he’s been in love with and secretly pining for for over a year has now drunkenly told Jeongin how much he liked him. How else would one react?</p><p>For Jeongin, it wasn’t that simple. Hyunjin added something about him leaving, or the last times for certain events. What did he mean by that? That’s what worried the young boy the most. Why did he have to leave? Did Jeongin do something? Did his interest come across too strong and caused Hyunjin to grow uncomfortable around him? That can’t be it, he was all over Jeongin just a few hours ago, talking about how much he liked him. Whatever the reason was is unknown and has left Jeongin in a state of contemplation and uncertainty.</p><p>He decides to brush it off for now, letting out another soft sigh before turning to his side once again to look at Hyunjin as he always does. This was a nightly routine that has not been broken for the past year, he couldn’t go to sleep without looking at the blonde boy at least once. As he flopped onto his side and looked directly in front of him he was met with another pair of eyes looking right back. This time the routine was broken.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jeongin’s eyes widened as he stared at Hyunjin’s sleeping body staring at him with open eyes. ‘Damn, that looks freaky.’ He shivers as he watches his eyelids slowly shut more and more, eventually closing. He turns around and faces his back towards the older boy, deciding he couldn't sleep while looking at him anymore. His emotions were too much and that image of him sleeping with his eyes opened sent shivers down his spine. Jeongin didn’t realize he could even sleep like that.</p><p>“Jeongin.” A raspy voice from behind him calls out. Fuck. So he wasn’t sleeping with open eyes, he was just awake. There goes his denial stage. Jeongin tries to curl up deeper into his blanket, hoping that maybe Hyunjin would just assume he’d fallen asleep already. “Jeongin I know you’re awake, stop pretending.” Fuck. There goes his plan B out the window. A shuddered sigh escapes his lips as he sits up and faces the blonde boy who was already sitting up on his own bed. His hand goes up to rub his eyes, trying to avoid as much eye contact with the other male a meter away from him who seemed to be intently staring at the younger boy. “Yah, we need to talk. There’s no use trying to avoid me like this.”</p><p>He was right. The two boys lived together, so if Jeongin started ignoring the other it would just end in chaos. It’s not like he could’ve avoided him for long anyways, the entire apartment was the size of a rich man’s living room. </p><p>“I’m not avoiding you,” the younger mumbles, his gaze wandering to the cracks between each floorboard. Anywhere was better than looking at his face. He certainly wasn’t brave enough to. Jeongin was afraid that if he stared into his eyes for too long Hyunjin would notice the longing on his own.</p><p>Hyunjin scoffs. “Your eyes seem to say otherwise.” He got him there. It was rather obvious that the boy did his best to avoid looking at the man entirely while he was awake. “Look, I’m fully aware of what happened earlier and I just want to apologise. What I said was way out of hand and I really hope we can push past it and move on. It doesn’t have to be like this.”</p><p>‘But I don’t want to move on.’ Jeongin chewed on his bottom lip. His fingers fidgeted with whatever it could lay its hands on. Did he really think that he could just move on so easily? After everything he’s said, he was willing to just drop the topic and move on. Jeongin did not like that. He hopelessly wished that maybe, just maybe, Hyunjin would tell him he liked him while he was sober. It would certainly make things much easier on his part rather than accepting the fact that Hyunjin did not like him back.</p><p>“Um—uh hyung..” His words trailed off. He didn’t like how he acted around Hyunjin. The usual cheeky and obnoxious Jeongin disappeared whenever his presence was around. He turned soft. He thought it was unfair, he felt like he was the only one feeling that way between the two of them.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Jeongin starts to tug at the hem of his hoodie, hesitating to follow up. His question now felt stupid but if he didn’t ask now then when would he? “Do you—did you mean it? What you said earlier I mean.” He ducks his head down, avoiding whatever look the blond was throwing him in that very moment. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest. Did he really ask that? He never thought he’d be brave enough to even ask something like that.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Well that wasn't the answer he was hoping for. He felt a sharp pang in his chest. That was too quick. Couldn't he have waited a few seconds and pretended to think about it at least? Jeongin could feel his eyes starting to well up with tears. He lets out a forced laugh instead, hiding his quivering lip with a big smile. “Haha good! I would’ve felt uncomfortable if you did.” What? </p><p>‘I would’ve fallen in love with you more if you did’ </p><p>Jeongin starts to panic but realises he could do nothing about what he just said. It was his own fault for not thinking before speaking. “Anyways, I’m going to bed, goodnight.”</p><p>‘Fuck fuck fuck, don’t let it get to you.’ </p><p>Jeongin curls back into his blanket, facing the wall his bed sat snug against, trying to avoid making as much noise as possible. He didn’t expect the rejection to hurt this bad. He didn’t know what to do to soothe the intense pain that was left in his chest. He felt like he could really die from a heartbreak, in the least dramatic way possibly said. </p><p>As time passed, the moon no longer shone against the older’s godly appearance and Jeongin remained curled under his covers, clutching the thin blanket desperately, trying to find some sort of comfort he couldn't find from Hyunjin. No matter what feeling he felt physically, it couldn’t fill the pain he felt inside. He felt hot streaks of tears escaping his eyes and dripping onto his pillow case, the white sheet soaking up the salty rain that fell from his cloudy-like tear ducts.</p><p>Meanwhile, Hyunjin stayed sitting up by the edge of his bed watching the young boy curl up on his own. ‘I would’ve felt uncomfortable if you did’, those words continued to ring through his head. It hurt him. It was his fault for lying about meaning the words he said. He meant every single word that came out of his mouth but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it sober. Now, all he could do was sit and stare as Jeongin’s back quiver and his soft whimpers and sniffling continued to be muffled by the sound of wind slipping through the cracks of the small window by their beds.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The early dawn slipped through the cracks of the broken window sill of their small apartment, shining light through the thin window panes. The raven haired boy couldn’t turn around, he knew that he’d see the blond boy right across from him sleeping peacefully. Jeongin couldn’t bear to see him doze off without a care while he barely slept a wink that night. It hurt him deeply knowing Hyunjin would never reciprocate his feelings, he couldn’t accept it. Jeongin was afraid that as soon as he saw his blond locks scattered across the white pillow case his heart would shatter. With all his might, he sits up. Making his way to the kitchen without glancing at the bed to his left was harder than he expected. Jeongin starts to prepare for breakfast since he had no classes today and only had work in the afternoon, the perfect time to finally cook a home cooked meal instead of living off of microwavables and takeaways.</p><p>“Good morning,” a raspy voice behind his ear says. Jeongin’s body jolts, turning 180 and dropping the eggs he carried in his hands. Hyunjin looks at him with an amused face, letting out an energetic laugh. “You should’ve seen your face!” How could he laugh after last night? </p><p>Jeongin musters up a small smile, rolling his eyes as he cleans up the mess Hyunjin caused. “Hyung you shouldn’t just come up from behind me, what if I had a knife? I could've dropped it on my foot.” The young boy starts to chop up spring onions, facing his back against the other.</p><p>“If I knew you’d be this flustered I would've done it more often then.”</p><p>Jeongin stops cutting as he feels heat rush to his cheeks. He turns around, facing the blond boy who looked at him with a cheeky grin. “Yah, what’s that supposed to mean.” There’s no way he just said that casually, he didn’t joke around often so this took Jeongin by shock. He prayed that the older boy wouldn’t notice how hot his face grew from that one sentence. He didn’t, instead he let out a chuckle, giving the young boy’s shoulder a squeeze before sitting at their dining table.</p><p>“What’s on the menu for today’s breakfast?” He asks casually, pulling out his phone to scroll on social media. Jeongin tasted bitterness on his tongue. He knew he had to restrain himself from saying anything potentially damaging. He simply couldn’t understand how he could act like everything was normal especially since he was the one saying all those things to him. </p><p>‘He didn’t mean it, stop caring so much.’</p><p>“Fried rice—aren't you supposed to be getting ready for school at this time?” Jeongin places the vegetables in a small frying pan while trying to focus on small talk.</p><p>“Oh me? The professor’s sick so no classes ‘till they find a reliever.” A wave of silence takes over the room. The two of them didn't really chat like friends which made it harder for them to get along with each other. This drove the younger boy crazy. He wanted nothing more than to get to know Hyunjin, know all his flaws and strengths, what his favourite colour is and what he dreams to do in the future. All of these were not possible because of the impossibly high wall Hyunjin was built around for himself. It seems that any step closer Jeongin would take towards him, he was already layering cement and adding more bricks to protect him. But it seemed more like he wanted to cover himself. He hated it.</p><p>Jeongin’s eyes glance over to his phone as he hears the sound of a text tone going off, a sound he didn’t hear too often. In reality, Jeongin was too busy to socialize with friends or coworkers outside of school and work. The amount of schoolwork and time he spent on the clock gave him very little time to really enjoy himself and get to know his other hobbies aside from art.</p><p>‘Jeonginnie~ sorry this text took so long,,, how have u been? the party starts at 6pm today, bring anyone u want p.s sorry for the late notice, i kind of forgot LOL’</p><p>“Yah, Minho hyung,” Jeongin grumbles to himself. He’s always been a bit tardy with time and planning so it was no surprise that his invitation was sudden. </p><p>“Minho hyung? Lee Minho? I know him too!” Hyunjin says cheerfully.</p><p>“Oh really? He does dance with you doesn’t he?”</p><p>He sees Hyunjin nod, but seemingly focused on his phone. The party started at 7 but he usually gets off work around 10. He contemplated then decided to call in sick. ‘It won’t hurt to have some fun once in a while.’ His eyes gaze back to the blonde boy who seemed to be immersed in his game. He remembers Hyunjin mentioning that he was free today and thought of it as the perfect time to bond with the older male. </p><p>“Hyung if you’re not too busy today would you like to go to a party with me?” Jeongin felt his heart beating faster. He was afraid that Hyunjin could turn him down. He’s always hated being rejected so he always avoided making plans. </p><p>“What party?” Hyunjin puts his phone down as Jeongin places 2 plates of fried rice on the table.</p><p>“It’s Minho hyung’s birthday and he said I could take anyone I wanted with me.” The two boys dig into their meal, their eyes meeting as little as possible. The more Jeongin looked at Hyunjin the more he started to notice how off he was being. It wasn’t the usual calm and collected Hyunjin, he was jittery. He picked at his food and his eyes wandered to his phone more than usual. Was he expecting something?</p><p>“Oh yeah sure, I’m not doing anything.” And with that the pair continued on with their daily tasks, those that consisted of online games and painting. The two were very different in what they chose to spend their spare time doing.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you sure this is okay? I—I mean Minho hyung and I aren’t even close.” This was the first time Jeongin has seen Hyunjin look so uncomfortable. The way he fidgeted with the hem of his sweater as he awkwardly waddled side to side showed signs of immense discomfort. Not to mention the look on his face.</p><p>“You’ll be fine! C’mon.” Jeongin knocks on the door, waiting a few seconds then receiving a response. To his surprise, Minho did not open the door but a shorter male with black hair and chubby cheeks. A friend of his?</p><p>“Oh hello! You must be Jeongin,” he shoots a smile to the raven haired then turned to Hyunjin. “And you are?”</p><p>The anxious blond was about to respond before a familiar brown haired boy pops up from behind. “Jeonginnie!” He gives Jeongin a tight hug then going in and giving Hyunjin a quick hug while flashing a smile. “Hyunjin, I didn’t know you were friends with Jeongin—AH! I almost forgot to tell you.” Minho slings his arm around the black haired boy with an even bigger grin. “This is my boyfriend, Jisung.”</p><p>Boyfriend? For a second, Jeongin’s mind went blank. ‘So he is gay.’ Jeongin quickly smiles, shaking the man’s hand. “I didn’t know you swung that way.” The brunette lets out an embarrassed chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. Jeongin realises what he’s just said and starts to panic. “Ah! Sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I was just—I meant like—Ah! Don’t be offended, I do too.”</p><p>A wave of silence hit the group as everyone looked at Jeongin with an unreadable expression. “You’re...gay?” Minho raises an eyebrow at the young boy, then looks at Hyunjin with the same expression then looks back. “Okay baby, come in now, there’s more people to be introduced to.” </p><p>As the four walk into Minho’s apartment, Jeongin physically cringed at what he had just said. Did he really just accidentally come out to three people at once? He hadn’t even come out to one person let alone three. That was the worst way he could’ve possibly done it too. In front of Hyunjin? What if he starts to get uncomfortable around him? Those thoughts were a luxury he could not afford to indulge in. If he did, he would simply fall into a hole of constant anxiety and panic around the blonde boy.</p><p>“You guys can go grab drinks in the kitchen, there’s vodka, beer and tequila for you to choose unless you want to get drunk off of my depression wine.” He pulls a face that could only be described as disgust. “But aside from that just relax and introduce yourselves to everyone and make yourselves at home—and if you want to smoke there’s a balcony next to the living room.” Minho directs his last statement to Hyunjin before flashing one last smile then disappearing to the living room and planting himself on the couch. The two boys looked at each other with a shrug and walked to the kitchen.</p><p>Jeongin starts to pour Hyunjin a cup of his selection after his own when he starts up. “So you’re uh—you’re gay?” </p><p>Jeongin puts the bottle down and looks at Hyunjin. This question was not unexpected. “My answer depends on how you’d respond if I said yes.” He passes the cup to the blonde boy as he takes a shot of straight vodka, immediately regretting his decision. He tasted the harsh flavour of vodka and the sting that remained at the back of his throat.</p><p>“What if I said I hated it?” Hyunjin downs his own concoction too, his face scrunching as he swallows. His gaze seemed to pierce through Jeongin’s eyes. They were intense and sharp. They followed Jeongin’s every move, anticipating a response out of the young boy.</p><p>“Then I’d say I absolutely despise the thought of a man’s touch.” The pair stood in silence. By this time they’d each taken 4 shots as the air continued to grow more and more tight. </p><p>“Come with me, I’m going out for a smoke—and take the bottle with you.” Jeongin nods, quickly trailing behind the blond boy to the balcony, shutting the door behind him. The two sit down on the conveniently placed deck chairs, Jeongin placing down their cups and pouring more to drink for the two of them. </p><p>He pushes the cup towards Hyunjin who was busy lighting up the cigarette sitting tightly between his lips. He takes a long first drag, letting it sit in his throat then exhaling. He taps out the burnt tobacco onto the ashtray on the table then swirls the drink in his cup before sculling it down. The ashtray was very convenient but not a surprise since Minho too was a smoker.</p><p>Jeongin followed suit, drinking his fifth shot of vodka in the span of an hour. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little bit drunk. By the third shot he already felt like he could pass out at any moment. The young boy had always been a lightweight, for that reason he didn’t particularly enjoy drinking around others in case of any slip up. Right now was the first time he’s gotten drunk around somebody since he was in Korea with his childhood friends. But kept his eyes on the blonde boy in front of him.</p><p>Every little move he’d do captivated his attention. The way his lips pursed slightly after every exhale of the grey smoke truly did wonders to his imagination. Or the way he had the cigarette clasped between his index and middle finger, occasionally using the index to tap out any withering ash. From the time he’s known Hyunjin, Jeongin’s had an infatuation with the older boy’s hand. He couldn’t help but imagine how it felt to be man handled by him. Whenever he’s angry he’d grip his hips tightly while his other hand grabbed his jaw by force to make the young boy look him in the eyes. Or when things would get rough in bed and he’d grip his hair tightly, pulling his head back while striking him from the back with strong and harsh slaps.</p><p>“Jeongin!” His trail of thoughts were interrupted by said boy yelling his name.</p><p>“Ah—yes hyung?” He felt his cheeks redden from his imagination. He knew it was wrong to fantasize about his hyung especially when he was right in front of him but it couldn’t hurt if he didn’t know right? </p><p>Hyunjin puts out his cigarette and looks at Jeongin with the same intense gaze he had earlier. “Do you like me?”</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jeongin felt the cool breeze of the night sky brush past his ears, cooling the heat that gathered in them. He was stunned. He did not know how to respond and he certainly was not prepared to answer such a sudden question. The beating of his heart in his chest grew more and more erratic as seconds passed. </p><p>“What?” He asked, face draining of blood.</p><p>“As a friend I mean.” </p><p>Jeongin let out a sigh of relief. What was he thinking? Of course he wouldn’t ask something like that. “Why do you ask hyung?” His words started to strong together as the alcohol started to kick in strongly.</p><p>Hyunjin takes his 6th shot of the night, gently slamming the cup onto the table. “Because,” he pauses, gagging a bit from his last drink. “The way you act around me proves otherwise. Everytime I look at you at home you can’t even look me in the eyes, you look away or just avoid contact as much as possible.” Each word grew more and more slurred with each sentence being spoken. It was evident that he too was a lightweight. “Do you hate me that much?” His voice sounded strained, his eyes looked teary and desperate.</p><p>Jeongin felt a pang in his heart. He’d never seen this side of Hyunjin before, since the beginning he'd only known the distant and reserved Hyunjin. One that didn't have much emotion aside from happiness or monotone. Never in his life did he imagine him to be like this towards Hyunjin. “Hyung what are you talking about?” Jeongin furrowed his eyebrows.</p><p>“You! You’re always so distant that it hurts me to know you can’t even look at me in the eyes. What is my place in your life? For a second I thought you liked me because I saw that painting you did of me but your past behavior has just been proving otherwise and-”</p><p>“Hey hang on—what did you just say? You looked at my painting?” Jeongin felt blood rush to his cheeks and to his head. Hyunjin saw his painting. His hyung saw his artwork that he had no intention of sharing to anyone but his professor. He looked at his work behind his back despite knowing how Jeongin felt about people looking at his unfinished work. “Hyung why? You know how I feel about people looking at my work.” He gripped his cup tightly, his breaths grew shallower as he restrained himself from letting any stray tears let loose from his eyes. “Nevermind, I need space.”</p><p>Jeongin quickly stands up and rushes back inside. He barges into each room until he quickly finds the bathroom at the end of his hallway. He shuts the door behind him and falls on the floor, sobbing loudly. His breathing was irregular as he couldn’t control himself. Why was he crying over a boy looking at his painting? Perhaps it was because it was a painting of the said boy which Jeongin did in secret. He was afraid. Scratch that, he was petrified. The young boy didn’t know how to react to it. He was so afraid that Hyunjin would push him away to find him weird because of it but instead he was crying over Jeongin pushing him away. Hyunjin was too confusing for the young boy. </p><p>A loud knock startles Jeongin, breaking him from his trance. </p><p>“Jeongin-ah, are you in there?” A voice calls out from the other side of the door. “Jeongin it’s me, Minho.” The boy responds with silence. It’s not that he didn’t want Minho to come in, he just didn’t want to inconvenience him since it was his birthday party. “Hey I know you’re in there—there’s no point in ignoring me. I’m coming in whether you like it or not.” The door knob turns and there reveals Minho with a bag of chips and a sympathetic look on his face. He closes the door behind him and sits down beside the teary eyes boy, running his hand through his hair gently. “Jeongin-ah, what’s wrong? C’mon talk to your hyung.” </p><p>Jeongin sniffles then rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. “Hyunjin—Hyunjin hyung looked at my painting without telling me.” </p><p>Minho stopped stroking his hair and glared at him. “Yah! That’s all you’re crying about?” His voice had lingering tones of annoyance.</p><p>“The painting was of him sleeping and I—and I painted it in secret.”</p><p>Silence falls between the two. The only thing that could be heard was the loud music coming from the other room and the sniffling of Jeongin’s runny nose from crying too much. He should’ve explained the full extent of the situation rather than just the action itself or else Minho would take him for a drama queen. </p><p>“Oh, I’m really sorry baby.” He awkwardly hugs the young boy. Jeongin knew very well that Minho didn’t do too well with affection so he didn’t mind the stiffness in the hug, he himself wasn’t very affectionate either. “I take it that he’s the ‘girl’ you’ve been telling me about.”</p><p>Jeongin nods. “I’m sorry I lied, I’m not exactly the most open about my sexuality to anyone. I didn’t know you were gay either but if I did I wouldn’t have lied.” </p><p>“Idiot, I don’t care what your sexuality is, I only care about whether or not you’re a good person. Besides, sexuality isn’t something to be taken lightly especially for us that come from a strict background,” he chuckles, pinching the young boy’s cheek. “I know this may seem like the end of the world but Hyunjin doesn’t seem like the type to care. I saw him outside before I came here and he looked pretty stressed out too. Why don’t you guys just talk it out for a bit?”</p><p>Jeongin shakes his head vigorously. “No no no, I couldn’t possibly do that. After what I found out, I don’t think I could even look him in the eyes anymore.” </p><p>The brunette rolls his eyes and stands up. “You can’t just keep avoiding him, he mentioned something about a roommate to me so I’m going to assume that you two live together. What are you going to do once you go home? Avoid eye contact? You’ve got to sort this out now or it’ll end up worse once this party’s over.”</p><p>Minho was right. He couldn’t possibly ignore the older boy forever, especially not when they live in the same place. “Fine, I will.” He stands up, dusting off his clothes then helping Minho up. He ruffles Jeongin’s hair as they walk out the door. He felt a familiar heaviness in his chest that he’d feel everytime he thought of Hyunjin negatively. His heart was beating out of his chest with every step he got closer to the balcony. </p><p>Eventually, he mustered up the courage to open the door and sit back down to face the blonde boy who’s cheeks were scattered with pink and his eyes grew puffy. </p><p>“We should talk.”</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hyunjin looked up at Jeongin with glossy eyes, the bright moonlight shining directly on his face. It seemed as though the gods favoured him every time the stream of light hit him directly. These times made Jeongin feel like crumbling up inside. It was like Hyunjin was some sort of god and he was just a measly peasant. Jeongin wasn’t unattractive but he certainly felt like it around the older man. </p><p>He watched as his long, blond hair was blown back by the wind, revealing his tinted cheeks. “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” Hyunjin mumbles, his gaze dropping. Jeongin stared at Hyunjin. He’s never seen him look so helpless before.</p><p>“No, I should be apologizing.” He played with the hem of his shirt. “It was wrong of me to paint you without telling me. I just—it was for an assignment and you just sort of fit the criteria.”</p><p>Hyunjin shook his head. “No, I shouldn’t have looked at it. I knew how you felt about people looking at your work yet I still did it because I was selfish and curious.”</p><p>The young boy felt his cheeks heat up once again, ears burning from the blood rushing to them. Embarrassment. He didn’t like feeling this, it made him feel small and ridiculed. “No. I probably made you uncomfortable because of it. Let’s just try to forget about it-” He pours himself another drink, sculling it down. “-And move on with our lives.” As Jeongin went to pour himself another shot, Hyunjin clutches his wrist in an attempt to stop him.</p><p>“You’re clearly drunk enough, you don’t need to keep drinking,” he says with a stern tone. “And what if I don’t want to forget about it? What are you going to do then?”</p><p>“What?” The grip on his wrist grew tighter with each passing moment they spent in silence.</p><p>“I don’t want to forget about it.” Hyunjin shakes his head. “Scratch that, I don’t want to forget about you.” </p><p>Jeongin felt his heart skip a beat. Did he just hear that correctly? </p><p>‘No, he could mean it in a friendly way, stop jumping to conclusions.’</p><p>“Jeongin-ah, I really like you and I wish you wouldn't avoid me so much. Everytime we’re home together you keep avoiding eye contact with me or you’d jump when I’d talk to you. At first I thought you had a crush on me but now I just feel like you hate me.” A tear drips down his face. “Please tell me that’s not true.”</p><p>Jeongin felt hot tears stream down his face once again. All those times he’d catch the older looking at him here because of the same reason he’d look at him? He couldn’t comprehend what he was hearing. The past year and a half where he thought his love was unrequited, the other was living under the same roof feeling the same. </p><p>“No.” Jeongin wiped his tears.</p><p>“What?” Hyunjin’s voice trembled.</p><p>“All this time I spent in bed wondering how you felt about me. All that time—you—you liked me?!” He was yelling at this point. He didn’t care how he looked or how much he cried, He needed to get it off his chest. Jeongin stood up, grabbing Hyunjin by his shirt collar and pulling him up too. “Why couldn't you have just told me?! You could’ve saved me from a lot of pain if you had just told me sooner!” He punched his chest weakly with every sob that left his mouth.</p><p>Hyunjin grabs his wrists, securing them against him. “I wasn’t sure how you felt. I was scared, I didn’t want to get rejected.” He looks away. “Not again, atleast.” He mumbles under his breath.</p><p>“What was that?”</p><p>“Nothing, what matters is how you and I feel right now.” Hyunjin grabs both of the younger boy’s cheeks. “And how I feel is damn strong.” He leans in, placing a kiss on his lips. Jeongin stood there with wide eyes, not knowing what to do. He’s always fantasised about what it's like to kiss Hyunjin but now that it was happening he didn’t know how to react. Hyunjin pulls away with a confused look. “Am I that bad at kissing?”</p><p>Jeongin shook his head vigorously. “What no! It’s just that—I’ve never really kissed anyone before,” he trails off at the last bit.</p><p>“What was that?”</p><p>“I said I’ve never kissed anyone before!” He yells, causing Hyunjin to flinch then laugh.</p><p>“Oh you’re so cute.” He pats Jeongin’s hair. “Let me teach you, follow my lead.” Their lips connect once again, this time much more heated and desperate. He grabs Jeongin’s hands and places it behind his neck, noticing the younger’s stiff demeanor. Hyunjin slips his tongue in Jeongin’s mouth, the younger following suit. The night was cold but their faces remained hot from the alcohol and intimacy. </p><p>The older switches positions, pushing the younger against the wall instead. His hands roamed anywhere it allowed him to, quickly slipping a hand up his shirt. He thumbs at Jeongin’s nipples, causing him to moan out loud and bite the back of his hand to prevent himself from making any more noise. Hyunjin pulls away, leaving kisses down his jaw then sucking on his neck, nibbling at the skin lightly. “You sound so gorgeous,” he mumbles against his skin. His hand starts to trail lower and lower till it cupped the front of the younger’s jeans, causing him to flinch. “I won’t do anything since we’re at Minho’s but that’s to show you what you should be waiting for.”</p><p>Hyunjin pulls away with a cheeky grin. “Let’s go inside! We don’t want to miss out on anything do we?” His demeanor completely changed as he held Jeongin by the wrist and pulled him inside.</p><p>This was going to be a long night.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“And then—and then-” Minho cuts himself off before laughing, falling over on his boyfriend's lap who stroked his hair dearly while smiling. He really out did himself. Minho had taken one too many shots and it showed through his overly affectionate and extra loud attitude. </p><p>Jeongin watched as Jisung brushed his fingers through the brunette strands with gentle strokes as he reminded the older boy to calm down. He sighs and looks across the room to see the blond boy sitting on the lone armchair, legs crossed and an arm out holding a bottle of beer and scrolling on his phone. His mind wouldn’t stop going back to Hyunjin and all the things he’s said a few hours prior.</p><p>“I don’t want to forget about it—scratch that, I don’t want to forget about you.”</p><p>The corner of Jeongin’s mouth curls into a smile as he stares at his hands resting on his lap. The things he never thought were possible to be heard from Hyunjin were heard. And felt. It felt much different than from his imagination. His cheeks burned, this time not from the remnants of the alcohol, but from the intimate memories made not long ago. The feeling of his fingertips were burnt onto his skin. The thought of it gave him shivers. He wanted to go home and be alone with Hyunjin but instead he was sitting in his friend’s living room watching him drunkenly talk about nonsense.</p><p>“Jisung c’mon! What’s the harm?” Jeongin looks up to see Minho suddenly all over his flustered boyfriend’s lap, his hands running wherever it let them. </p><p>“The harm is that you’re currently embarrassing yourself in front of your friends!” Jisung tries to pry Minho off of him, the power struggle clearly evident with the two. Suddenly the brunette leans into his ear and whispers something that evoked a reaction from the raven haired. A soft blush spreads across his cheeks</p><p>“Sorry guys, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, Minho’s feeling very—uh, tired and needs some rest.” Jisung stands, pushing Minho off his lap as he gathers up the remaining guests to send home. </p><p>“Aw, hope you rest up hyung!” Yongbok says with a soft smile, he taps his shoulder as he walks away. The rest of his guests followed suit, greeting the couple goodbye and walking out the door.</p><p>Just as Hyunjin and Jeongin were about to leave, Minho grabs Jeongin’s wrist, pulling him down to match his height. “Have fun tonight,” he whispers before shoving him away with a wink.</p><p>‘What as that about?’ </p><p>As expected, the journey home was nothing less than awkward. Silence filled the air and though they sat next to each other on the subway, it felt as though they were meters apart. Entering the apartment was no different, the two boys sat on their bed opposite each other while their eyes struggled to even look in their general direction. Their heads buzzed with the little remaining alcohol left in their system. Jeongin was especially anxious considering he had been slapped in the face with information that could’ve changed his entire year and a half. He felt a sudden weight applied to his mattress, heat radiating towards his body.</p><p>“Jeongin-ah, talk to me.” He turns his head to face Hyunjin a few meters away from his face. The look on his face was unreadable but it made Jeongin squirm.</p><p>“What—what’s there to talk about?” He goes to fidget with the hem of his shirt before Hyunjin wraps his hands around his, holding it down.</p><p>“Must we beat around the bush when we can just continue?” Before Jeongin could say anything more, Hyunjin pressed his lips against his, immediately pushing his tongue in. Jeongin easily caved in to his touch, returning the action. The blond’s hands quickly found their way under his shirt, hooking the hem and tugging it off in one quick motion. Everything was happening too fast for Jeongin to even think about what was going on. </p><p>Hyunjin ran his cold hands against Jeongin’s warm torso, earning a hiss as he arched his back. He leans and sucks on the younger’s nipple while teasing the other, causing him to grab his hair while desperately whining.</p><p>“Why are you doing that? Isn't it weird?” He asks as he tries to pry him off.</p><p>“It would be weirder if I didn’t do it,” Hyunjin smugly commented. His hands roamed once again, this time finding its way to the crotch of his jeans. He looked up at Jeongin who’s cheeks were now rosy and his eyes filled with anticipation. The blond starts to palm his crotch as he leans in again to kiss the younger, tongues sloppily meeting.</p><p>Small whines leave Jeongin’s lips through the kiss as Hyunjin continued to tease him. He squirmed under his touch, gripping his wrist to stop him. Jeongin suddenly pushes Hyunjin down on his bed, settling between his thighs. “Please be patient with me, I’m new to all of this.” He unzips the older’s jeans, tugging down his jeans and boxers at an erratic speed due to his anxiousness. Jeongin’s mouth dropped as his member sprung out in front of him. It was big, much bigger than he ever was. He takes a deep breath before wrapping his hands around his shaft, slowly pumping it up and down.</p><p>“Too dry, can you spit on your hand?”</p><p>Jeongin follows Hyunjin’s directions, except instead of spitting on his hand he spits directly onto his tip, earning a groan from him. He thumbs his slit while using the spit to stroke his member more smoothly. The young boy looks up to see Hyunjin closing his eyes with his head tilted back. This encouraged him to step out of his comfort zone. He stops stroking and instead leans in to give his tip small kitten licks.</p><p>“Fuck—Jeongin, are you sure? You don’t have to do this if you want to.” Hyunjin brushed his fingers through Jeongin’s hair in a form of reassurance.</p><p>Instead of answering with words, Jeongin bobs down, taking as fuck of his as he could. His lips wrapped tightly around his member while his tongue pressed flat against the underside. Hyunjin grounds, gripping his hair tightly as Jeongin gagged from the tip hitting the back of his throat. </p><p>“Fuck Jeongin just—bear with me for a second.” </p><p>Before the younger could respond, Hyunjin then grabs his hair with both his hands and pushes him farther down his member. Jeongin felt his eyes water as he felt it go deeper. His jaw ached with every minute that passed as the room filled with wet noises drowned out by Hyunjin’s moans. Hyunjin’s thrusts were getting sloppy and sloppier until he pulled the raven haired off and finished all over his face.</p><p>“Shit I’m sorry, I couldn’t hold it in,” Hyunjin says, going in to wipe the remnants on his face. Jeongin stops him, wiping it himself then licking it off his palm. This small action caused Hyunjin’s dick to twitch, his cheeks burning. “It’s your turn now.” He pushes Jeongin down onto the bed, reaching down to unbutton his jeans but the young boy stops him.</p><p>“What why?” Hyunjin tries to continue but Jeongin sits up, looking away with an unreadable expression.</p><p>“I—I already came.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>GUYYYSSSS your comments are literally the sweetest things ever~! I melt everytime I read them and also please bear with me with the bad smut, i'm still learning how to write them:/</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The embarrassment didn’t die down easily for Jeongin throughout that night. As Hyunjin helped him out of his clothes (excluding his underwear because he was still shy), his cheeks burned a bright red as the blond boy jokingly teased him throughout the night. For once in 3 months the two slept together in the same bed, but no longer were they avoiding skin contact or faced their back towards each other. This time, they both held each other in their arms, Jeongin’s head resting comfortably against Hyunjin’s chest. </p><p>Late morning came, it was around 10 am the two boys woke up together. Through their blurred morning vision, they could see each other with much clarity. Hyunjin cracks a smile, pulling the younger boy tighter towards him. </p><p>“Jeonginnie! Good morning,” Hyunjin’s childish tone was refreshing to hear yet very shocking. Jeongin felt his heart skip a beat.</p><p>“Yah—did you eat something wrong?” Jeongin pushes him away as he sits up, rubbing his eyes. His childish nature and easygoing grin as something unnatural and odd to the young boy. He almost felt uneasy. The Hyunjin he knew was cold, distant and hard to get along with, and to see him act like this was like a completely different person was lying down on his bed. He didn’t hate it but he felt conflicted.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Hyunjins sits up to get close to Jeongin, leaving less than a centimeter gap between them. This created a reaction in his heart. The familiar fluttering feeling he used to get when imagining different scenarios the two boys could be in. Jeongin was not used to this just yet, being able to get up close to his face was unnatural and made him feel flustered. “Am I not attractive to you anymore?”</p><p>“What! No no! That—that's not it.” He looks away with burning ears. “I don’t even think that’s possible. It’s just—this is so weird.”</p><p>“What’s weird?” Hyunjin places a hand on Jeongin’s shoulder. “Talk to me, I wanna know what you’re thinking. I’m just—I’m so happy and I want to know if you are.”</p><p>Hearing him say those words brought serenity to Jeongin’s mind. “It’s nothing, I’m really happy too.” A wide smile spreads across his face, this time it wasn't forced, it wasn't fake. It was genuine. </p><p>That too brought a smile to Hyunjin’s face. “Come come.” He stands up, grabbing both of the younger’s hands and pulling him out of bed. “We’re cooking breakfast together as our first task.” Hyunjin drags the groaning boy to the kitchen, each step getting heavier and heavier. “C’mon, don’t be such a pain.”</p><p>“Hyung~I don't wanna,” Jeongin whines, throwing a fit on the kitchen floor. Today was a day he didn’t feel like doing anything especially after spending the previous night drinking away his dignity. He has no choice but to go to work today since he missed his shift for the party. “Let’s just order something, I don’t wanna do the dishes hyung!”</p><p>Seemingly, the nickname ‘hyung’ had an effect on the blonde boy. He looks away in an attempt to conceal his smile. “F-fine, let’s just order something quick.”</p><p>After the two finish their breakfast meal, Hyunjin headed to the familiar, small window sill to light up the first in his daily pack. He exhales his first puff and turns to Jeongin who stared at him in a trance. The older boy points his newly lit stick towards him. “Wanna puff?”</p><p>Jeongin felt flustered. He didn’t intend to stare too long, let alone get caught. “M-may I?” He walked over to stand by the windowsill directly next to him and took the cigarette. He’d always been curious about what the hype over cigarettes were. “Do I just-” He inhales, and inhales, until a little too much went down his throat. This sends him into a coughing fit, almost throwing up off the side of the window. His mind was buzzy from the nicotine head rush and he felt his head rocking ride to the side.</p><p>“Woah hang on, you might need to sit down.” Hyunjin snatches the cigarette from Jeongin, shoving it between his lips before sitting the young boy down onto his bed before he could topple over. He went back to his comfortable position by the window sill and continued what he was doing while the young boy pouted.</p><p>“I don’t get the hype,” he grumbled. </p><p>“Neither do I.” A gush of perfectly timed wind blows past the smoke, sending it back into the apartment.</p><p>“Don’t you think it’s time to quit?” Jeongin wasn’t the type to really care if the people around him smoked, but somehow Hyunjin crawled his way into his heart and gave him a reason to care.</p><p>“I probably should aye, I didn’t see a point in quitting before.” He taps out what’s left of the burning tobacco and puts out the butt on the ashtray on the window sill.</p><p> </p><p>The question why left the young boy’s mouth. Cigarette smoking was heavily advertised against in Korea and in America, so why did he feel the need to do it? It was a big waste of money just to feed his addiction. Especially since they were so tight on money, wouldn’t it be much more helpful to quit?</p><p>“I was never given a reason as to why I should quit and since I’ve started I never wanted to, but seeing as I’ve got a living and breathing one right in front of me, I think it’s worth a shot.” Hyunjin goes to sit down next to Jeongin, maintaining eye contact. “I don't think you realised how dear you are to me.” Soft pats against Jeongin’s hair and a charming smile was all it took for the young boy to crumble into small pieces against the older’s body.</p><p>“Hyung you can’t just say stuff like that!” His cheeks were burning with embarrassment. Being told those things didn't settle well with him as he grew up in a household where it was all criticism and no praise. “It makes me flustered.” Jeongin lightly punches his chest while looking up to see a grinning Hyunjin.</p><p>“What if I want to do that to you?” He cups his face together and brings his nose in to touch one another’s.</p><p>“Th-then I guess I’ll have to put up with it.” Jeongin brings his hands up to cover his face. He could tell he was as red as a tomato and he didn’t want the older boy to see him so flustered over one small gesture.</p><p>“You’re too cute,” Hyunjin chuckles, prying his hands off his face and placing a kiss on his lips. “I’m so glad we can be like this, finally.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>reminder: don't smoke!!!! </p><p>also i'm really not sure if i should continue this or not, it's a nice way to end it but i realised there's a lot of plot holes and  things i had intended to add in in future chapters but i can't be assed anymore</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>unedited:/ sorry this took so long !!1 ive been busy with internals nd shit</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Must you go so soon?” </p><p>It was currently 3 in the afternoon and the young boy was getting changed for his 4 pm shift but a certain individual couldn’t stop tugging at his sleeve and whining.</p><p>“It hasn’t even been a day since we confessed and you’re already acting like this?” Jeongin scoffs, rolling his eyes while resisting the urge to let out the grin he’s been repressing. </p><p>“Yeah it hasn’t been a day, that’s exactly why I’m like this.”</p><p>“Is it difficult to wait 5 hours?”</p><p>“When you’re not by my side yes.”</p><p>Jeongin felt a pang in his heart. Since when was he this cheesy? This wasn’t the Hyunjin he knew yet he felt so good hearing it coming from him. He dropped down to the floor, groaning. “Who gave you permission to be this cute hyung?”</p><p>Hyunjin grins, grabbing both of Jeongin’s cheeks and squeezing the two together. “Don’t encourage me to keep being tacky, now go to work before I really can't let you go.” </p><p>The two say their goodbyes and the young boy went his own way. His job went by pretty smoothly until he was accidentally zoning out while making a frappuccino and spilling cream everywhere and earned an earful from his boss. He couldn’t help it, the question of ‘what are we?’ suddenly popped into his head and sent him into panic. </p><p>‘Surely we’re dating, right?’ Was what he kept telling himself. Why would Hyunjin act this way towards him if they weren’t dating? And like a persistent mosquito, the question ‘what are we?’ buzzed throughout his mind the next few remaining hours of his shift and his train home until he arrived back to his cozy but cold abode.</p><p>“Hey, how was work?” Jeongin was greeted with a tight hug and a kiss from the other resident of his shared apartment. He put his bag down and took his coat off, kicking his shoes to the side and falling onto his bed.</p><p>“I spilt cream everywhere.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I spilt cream everywhere—say-” He shifts to his side, facing his body towards Hyunjin- “what are we?”</p><p>The blonde boy sits up straight with a startled expression written on his face. “What do you mean what are we?” </p><p>“I mean like, are we dating?”</p><p>A blank expression appeared across Hyunjin’s face before he scowled. “Excuse me? How could you even ask such a question! Of course we’re dating.” He lies down beside Jeongin with a childish grin. “Even if you say no I’ll make you say yes.” </p><p>For a few minutes the two boys layed like that. For the first time in his life, Jeongin felt like he belonged somewhere. And for the first time in his life, Hyunjin felt like he was loved. A missing jigsaw piece in one’s life comes with agonising emptiness, but this night they truly felt like one. </p><p>“Hyung-ah.” Jeongin interrupts the silence between them which followed with Hyunjin turning his body to face him. “I think I love you.”<br/>
The blond man’s eyes widen at the 5 words spoken to him. “You think?”</p><p>“No I—I love you.” Another wave of silence washes over them. Jeongin felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment. The blank stare Hyunjin gave him was enough of a response to him. He sits up and turns his back towards him. “N-nevermind, forget what I said-”</p><p>A hand was placed on the boy’s cheek, turning his head to face back. “I was just taken aback that you went to say it first. I love you too.” Hyunjin leans in and kisses the young boy. It started off as a soft sensation till the younger slipped his tongue in. At first he thought nothing of it until he slipped a hand on the front of his jeans and groped it, showing his eagerness for something more. “You’re eager aren’t you?” Jeongin looks away but nods his head shyly. A chuckle escaped Hyunjin’s lips as he slipped a hand up his shirt. “Let’s do you this time so you don’t go cumming without me touching you again.” Jeongin’s cheeks turn bright red. He retaliates with a whiny ‘hyung~’ and a punch to the chest.</p><p>Hyunjin brushed his thumb against the boy’s nipples, causing him to arch his back with a soft moan. “You’re so sensitive.” He pulls his shirt up and over his head, onto the floor. He immediately attaches his lips to his nipples, sucking on them as the room flooded with Jeongin’s quiet pants. Hyunjin’s lips trailed down, kissing him across his torso till it reached the waistband of his jeans. The blond boy slowly unbuttons his pants but swiftly pulls them off, leaving him in his grey underpants damp with precum and his erection very prominent. “Already so hard?” Hyunjin places his lips against his shaft, sucking on it through the fabric while his hand grazes over the top as he thumbs the tip.</p><p>He pulls away abruptly and with one quick tug he pulls down his underwear, his length springing out. It was definitely smaller than Hyunjin’s but not too small that it can’t bring pleasure to someone. The blond boy starts with small kitten licks at his tip before licking a stripe with a flat tongue from the base to the head then taking as much of him as he could. This causes Jeongin to moan aloud, clutching his hair and clenching his thighs around his head. Hyunjin pulls away from the grip and continues to bob his head up and down, stroking whatever he couldn’t fit.</p><p>“Ah—ah hyung~!”</p><p>Jeongin had never felt such pleasure before. He’s only used his hands which got a bit icky especially during cold, winter nights he spent alone in his bed. After feeling the euphoric warmth of Hyunjin’s mouth, he wasn’t so sure that he could be satisfied with doing it on his own anymore. With every press of his hot tongue he felt his back arch more and more. As the knots in Jeongin’s stomach proceeded to grow stronger and stronger, his moans grew higher and higher.</p><p>“H-hyung stop, I’m gonna—ah—I’m gonna-”</p><p>Hyunjin ignored his pleas, pushing his head deeper down his shaft. Jeongin groaned, cumming down Hyunjin’s throat as his legs convulsed around his head, still clasping it in between them. The blond boy swallowed every bit of it before pulling off with a grin.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. explanation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>hey yall, </p><p>i know i just disappeared off of the face of earth for a hot minute and i definitely owe yall an apology.</p><p>basically i left it off at the point it was on because i had MAJOR writer's block and i could not think of anything at ALL. my brain juice was juiced up :| . but i hope you guys know that not a day goes buy that i don't think of this story and feel bad. basically im just giving you guys an explanation rather than edging you guys and not finishing you off.</p><p>i don't know if i'll be continuing this. i will definitely 100% try but t's not guaranteed i will finish/update properly. at most it will probably be like 1 chapter per 4 months if i'm being honest;;; especially since i'm on my 2nd to last year of highschool and this is the most important year for me and iits only been a week of school and i've been PACKED with work holy shit.</p><p>anywyas im rambling, this is my explanation and i'm srry again.</p><p>- N &lt;3</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yall i am sorry in advanced bc this chapter is so shit and bc i take so damn long jsut to update;-; thank you for bearing wiht me</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The dim light of dawn pushed past the lone window that sat in the middle of the small studio apartment. The soft and subtle condensation against the window pane added imagery to the shadows plastered across the blank wall above their bed. The mornings grew chillier and chillier by the day and Jeongin felt immediate regret for the choice he made for sleeping in only his t-shirt and boxers. A groan leaves his lips as he presses himself closer to the blonde boy in search for just a little bit of warmth. </p><p>A smile stretches across Hyunjin’s lips, his hands snaking around his torso, as if to secure him tighter to him. He knew he wasn’t going anywhere but the feeling of knowing that any little gap he leaves could be a potential for the young boy to slip away was enough for him to act against it.</p><p> “Hyung~ not too tight.” Jeongin’s whiny voice echoed throughout the bare apartment. The receiver of the comment didn’t take lightly to it and in retaliation, hugged tighter. Despite his previous complaints he held onto the older boy’s arms just as tight.</p><p>“You know you really should start saying what you like, it’s not good to suppress stuff like that.” Hyunjin presses a kiss against the back of his neck, causing him to shiver. Even if Jeongin wasn’t right in his arms in the morning, the first thing he thought of when he woke up was always him. During the times where Jeongin slept in, he’d roll over and lie down till the time he needed to get up. Of course, these were things he couldn’t share to the young boy, the thought of Jeongin knowing of his little secrets made him feel embarrassed but he didn’t hate it.</p><p>A hum leaves the Jeongin’s lips as he pried himself out of the grasps of the blonde boy. “Let’s go make breakfast.” Jeongin makes his way up to the kitchen and starts pulling out all the necessities for cooking. Meanwhile, Hyunjin rolls out of bed with a groan and immediately reaches out for a smoke. The moment he lights the stick between his lips and the smell wafts in, Jeongin turns around with his eyebrows furrowed. “I thought you said you were gonna quit?” </p><p>Hyunjin stares at the young boy with blank eyes, the burning fag still sitting between his lips. His head tilts to the left with a questioning demeanor. </p><p>“Hyung! Just yesterday you—you said that it was time for you to quit!”</p><p>His eyes light up as he takes drag, putting it out as soon as he lets out one puff. “Ah! That’s right—here, are you happy now?” He grins, showing the boy that he had crushed the fresh cigarette on the ashtray. Jeongin lets out a grunt before continuing with his duties, brushing the older boy off. “Hey! I’m gonna quit today I promise, you—you saw me put out that cigarette didn’t you? You know I wouldn't waste a fresh cigarette unless it was for a good reason.” Hyunjin walks up to Jeongin and snakes his arms around his waist. “Let’s go on a date today, it’s a good day to go out.” Jeongin pulled out 2 plates and served kimchi fried rice out, ignoring the blonde boy once again.</p><p>He sits down and starts to dig in, leaving Hyunjin with his mouth agape in the kitchen. “Yah! I’m taking you out today no matter what and I’m gonna prove to you that I can quit.” He sits down in front of Jeongin who now has a big grin across his face.</p><p>“That’s what I like to hear.”</p><p>It’s been approximately 5 hours since Hyunjin had announced to Jeongin that he would be quitting smoking and he was regretting it big time. They had gone out for a stroll around Central Park South on a dateas Hyunjin had said but every hour without that familiar headrush was crushing him. They decided they wouldn’t hold hands in public just yet in fear of inner judgement even though New York was one of the most liberal states in America. Outside, the blonde boy appeared to be calm but inside he’d been craving for a smoke the whole day. Even just one puff would be enough and he was going to do anything just for that one hit.</p><p>“Jeongin-ah, I’ve got to go to the toilet, my stomach’s been killing me! Just stay here for a few minutes okay?” While the young boy was in the bathroom getting ready for their date, Hyunjin snuck a pack of Marlboro's in his jacket pocket before leaving. </p><p>Sure, he felt guilty but a man needs his nicotine. He walks off to a nearby alleyway while looking back to make sure that Jeongin didn't see where he was going. When he knew he was in the clear, he took out a stick and placed it between his lips. He pulls out his lighter while cupping his hand over the flame to make sure it doesn't go out then lights the end of the cigarette. Hyunjin leans against the wall, taking a long drag while looking around. </p><p>‘This place sure is a dump,’ he thinks. As he exhales, he turns his head back only to face a familiar looking raven haired boy staring at him with an expression on his face that could only be described as anger.</p>
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